Showing posts with label afraid. Show all posts
Showing posts with label afraid. Show all posts

A journey into vulnerability

Last night a small opening appeared. With trepidation, I quickly decided to step through it. While I knew that it might lead me down a dark alley, I had to take the chance. Sure enough, once through, it was very dark indeed. I was compelled to confess things that we very painful. While making my confession, I became embarrassed; I was embarrassed for sharing my story with my therapist, with friends, and with you.

Continuing through the opening, I found myself in familiar territory. I found the same patterns which had blocked me before. However, surprisingly I found something new. I found new courage to share my feelings, and to my astonishment, I found new realizations. While rummaging through familiar patterns I found the roots of some of my feelings. For the first time, I had dug deep enough to find the source of my depression.

Although, I'm on very uncertain ground, I mustn't deny the danger that surrounds me. My digging has exposed a giant gaping wound, that must be treated with delicate and loving care. But somehow, I feel more at ease. The load which I had been carrying, now seems much lighter. Unfortunately, while looking around, I notice that the weight is still here, I've just passed it over to someone else. I can see it clearly now. Will my love be strong enough to help them carry the load until we can find some place to rid ourselves from it forever?

Parallel lines never do cross over

Maybe I read too much into things, or maybe I'm just straining to make reality fit my limited understanding of the world, but this is the second time I've come to find meaning in these words:
Kindred spirits moving along the spiral
I can see you up on another level
Its too great a fall
And I cant reach you to pull me higher
But I dont seem to get much closer or any more far
Both times have been when I've been at a crossroads in a relationship. Maybe that's the truth I find in front of me. Which road do I take? Thanks Todd, wherever you are...